A small sampling of my work
Intangible Gifts (from Journeys)
As we leave the holidays, our thoughts turn to seasons past and warm memories that often leave an indelible mark in our hearts. It is natural that we think of the good times we have shared with family and friends and the gifts we have exchanged that symbolize the love and endearment we have for each other.
In September 2001, I suddenly lost my husband of 32 years to complications of heart disease. He had his first heart attack at the age of 39, an age which several of his uncles also had suffered heart attacks and died. But he seemed to beat the odds. He returned home the second week of December after a twenty-three day in the cardiac care unit of our local hospital.
There were few tangible gifts that holiday season. The gift my daughters and I will always cherish when recalling that year is that we continued to know and love Ed for sixteen more years than we had expected.
Over the years, Ed gave us many intangible gifts. At my sister read a eulogy that stated, "His face glowed with love for his wife and daughters." That look in his hazel-green eyes is the gift I will remember most.
Ed's greatest traits were his integrity, honor, modesty simplicity. He was a bright man with a vast knowledge base. Maybe someday his grandchildren will read some of his books and get to know the grandfather they never knew.
He was a very compassionate and caring man who had the ability to empathize. Both times that I went into labor with my daughters, Ed developed stomach pains. It was kind of humorous because I wasn't sure if he was going to drive me to the hospital or if I was going to have to drive him there.
We always knew, through triumphs large and small that he was rooting for us. My daughter Valerie told me one day after losing her father, "Someday when I get married, it doesn't matter who will be holding my arm when I walk down the aisle. I know Daddy will be holding my other arm."
I don't believe that those we love and have lost ever stop being a part of our lives. Whatever they gave us is ours for always. for that reason, they are always with us.
And so, on that day in September of 2001, my daughters and I stayed with my husband after his heart surgery from dawn to dusk. We didn't know it at the time, but this would be the last time we would see him. He lovingly kissed and hugged us and told us that he loved us. He joked a bit as he often would do to take the edge off the seriousness of the situation. He looked peaceful and content.
After saying goodbye that day, once more before walking out the door of his hospital room, I remember turning around and looking back at him. He was smiling that devilish smile he had. And one last time, I saw that look that glowed with love. I will remember that look when I have a tough because it encompasses all that we shared and all of the intangible gifts he left behind. And I know that wherever I go, whatever I do, he is still behind me, rooting for me.
Reprinted with permission from © copyright Hospice Foundation of America January 2003
Such a Wise Spider (From Silent News, No longer in publication)
Recently while browsing through a Children's Library in my community, I stumbled upon a beautiful book that took on a special significance to me. A teacher who specializes in special education commented to me, "Did you ever notice how if you read a book when you are a kid and then re-read it in adulthood, your perspective of the theme becomes clearer?"
I thought about and scanned through a few books, but one caught my attention, even though I had not read it previously. The name of the book is I Wish I Were a Butterfly by James Howe.
Had I read this book when I was a child, I would have simply seen it as one of those stories with an "ugly duckling" theme. But today, it made me think about all the transitions we make in a lifetime, and how often late-deafened friends lament that they wish their lives could return to their pre-deafened state.
In the story, I Wish I Were A Butterfly, a despondent cricket enlists the support of an elderly wise spider, who helps him to realize his
Somewhere along the way, the tiny cricket decided that he was ugly after a toad made him feel that way. We have all come across a few toads in our lifetime we? The cricket decided that he didn't want to see the light of day and should remain in the darkness even though most of the other crickets in Swampswallow Pond found sunrise a happy time. Does this sound similar to some of those you know who are late-deafened and retreat to isolation?
These are such profound words.
But the stubborn little critter continues to become repulsed at his reflection mirrored in the pond. He is envious of the spider's skills in spinning a but becomes upset when the wind blows the beautiful web away. the spider said, "then I must begin again." Yes, such a wise spider. For isn't this what we must do every waking day of our lives? We make many transitions in our lifetime, there are many beginnings and many endings. But we must recognize the beauty we have is mirrored and reflected by our And as the spider begins to spin a new web, the cricket began to fiddle. The spider commented about the reflection he saw in the pond of "two beautiful friends."
A butterfly passing by heard the sound of the cricket and said, "What beautiful music that creature makes. I wish I were a cricket."
I wish I too had met up with that wise spider and the glowworm many years ago when my hearing loss began. Ah, yes, there is no sense in wishing for what will never be. I will never be a butterfly, but an enlightened cricket sounds just fine to me.
Silent News © October 1995